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Epstein, Trump and the fantasy world of Tucker Carlson

💷 Queen’s fiver | 🥒 “Squirting cucumber” | 💪 Wife-carrying

In the headlines

A major review into England and Wales’s water sector says that the regulator Ofwat should be scrapped. Jon Cunliffe’s report calls for the creation of a single new regulator to ensure water companies “act in the public as well as the private interest”, and warns that, without urgent reform, water bills will rise by another 30% over the next five years. Israeli forces have launched an assault on Deir al-Balah in central Gaza, one of the only cities in the territory that hadn’t yet been invaded and where it is assumed that Israeli hostages are being held. Yesterday, Israel killed at least 79 Palestinians seeking aid in Gaza, according to the Hamas-run health ministry. Physical activity holidays, such as hiking or surfing, are better for your wellbeing than relaxing by a pool, according to scientists who surveyed more than 3,000 holidaymakers. They also found that two-week breaks are followed by deeper lows, with the first Monday back at work a starker “shock to the system”.

Comment

Yusuf and Farage. Leon Neal/Getty

Reform have missed an easy win

Reform UK could have enjoyed a “nice easy win” over the Afghan data leak, says Camilla Tominey in The Daily Telegraph. They could have said: successive governments not only cocked up but covered up a taxpayer-funded scandal that resulted in thousands of Afghans being resettled in the UK. If you want to fix this “brazen example of broken Britain”, vote for us. But they didn’t. Instead, party bigwig Zia Yusuf – dangerously addicted to “tweeting before thinking” – posted: “When the Tories were booted out of office the public didn’t even know of their worst crime”, then took to the airwaves to decry “probably the biggest scandal, biggest political cover up, certainly in my lifetime”. Really?

Yes, this was a “gargantuan blunder”, and I can’t see why a superinjunction was needed when a traditional D-notice (a non-legal agreement with the press not to publish information related to national security) would have sufficed. But is Yusuf seriously suggesting no measures should have been taken to protect those “brave Afghans” who served alongside our troops? And what about the spooks, and members of the SAS and SBS whose details were also exposed? It’s a scandal, but the biggest? Bigger than infected blood or Horizon? Rape gangs? How about MPs’ expenses? “Cash for questions? Cash for honours? Cash for influence?” What about Covid fraud, in which former Reform MP James McMurdock has become embroiled? I understand that Yusuf thinks his mission is to “destroy” the Tories but these childish attacks are a huge turn-off to those like Suella Braverman who were poised to defect. If Reform wants to be taken seriously, it needs to be more than an “anti-Conservative protest movement”.

Fashion

Counterfeiters have “perfected the knockoff handbag”, says Carol Ryan in The Wall Street Journal. And it’s “disrupting the economics of the luxury industry”. A new generation of “superfakes” look as good as the real thing – unless you have an x-ray machine – and are sold on exclusive WhatsApp group chats for anything from $500 to $5,000. Marketed as “replicas, mirror bags, superclones or 1:1s”, these counterfeit clutches are even delivered direct to customers’ doors in immaculate (fake) branded packaging. And when bags like the Lady Dior sell for 15 times what they cost to make, who’s the real villain?

What are you waiting for?

TikTok/@lanie_beams

The rest of today’s newsletter contains Tucker Carlson’s paranoid obsession with the Epstein case, as well as our usual selection of shorter pieces, including:

💷 Why the Queen always carried a fiver
🍺 How to win your wife’s bodyweight in beer
🔢 AI’s favourite number
🥒 The cucumber that squirts its seeds 39 ft
👀 Why Gen Z are staring at you blankly
👛 The real villain in the rise of “superfake” handbags

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