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Hunting billionaires in Man Jose

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San Jose, at the heart of Silicon Valley, has become known as “Man Jose”: a place where eligible bachelors outnumber single women. You might think this would make it the perfect hunting ground for husbands – and if that’s your aim, “the odds are good”, a woman from Silicon Valley tells The Times. “But the goods are odd.”

These computer nerds in “pizza-stained T-shirts” are serial philanderers in disguise. Why? Because they can be. In 2012 the public offering of Facebook is thought to have created 1,000 young millionaires. Nowhere else on earth is so saturated with “young, intelligent and wildly overcompensated hyper-achievers”.

These nerdy men are looking for “the whole package” – an Olympian supermodel with a PHDs in, say, astrophysics. But when one of those can’t be found, the men of Man Jose settle for polyamory, a life of skipping from women to women, sometimes three in a night.

Among the revellers, once, was Bill Gates, who more than 30 years ago became America’s youngest billionaire at 31. According to stories that have surfaced this week, he celebrated by hosting “naked parties with strippers.” Well, he was still unmarried, so why not?

I’m gearing up for a long, horny summer 

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After a year in which I’ve forgotten what human skin feels like, I will not allow this “quarantine thing” to steal any more of my remaining “f***able years”, says Allison Goldberg in Bustle. This “hot vax summer”, I’m ready to “smash faces with strangers” and “lick every glass in the bar”.

Don’t get me wrong, lockdown dating had its benefits. If a dude was creepy, I could just shut my laptop: “While not as cathartic as flipping a table, it won’t get you banned from a restaurant.” But now we’re allowed to interact IRL, “I’m going to fully interact IRL”. One of the only silver linings of the past year is the plethora of easy chat-up lines: “Which vaccine did you get? What type of flour did you use in your sourdough starter?” I want to do “literally anything and everything” I can think of, except wear normal clothes.

And why not? We’ve lived through a period that will likely end up being its own unit in history lessons, and the “pent-up hookup energy” is palpable. Let’s embrace the fact that the world is opening up at the “best and horniest” time it possibly could: summer.