Villain
Beyoncé, who is making a bit of extra cash by flogging “listening-only” tickets to her Renaissance shows. Priced at $157 on Ticketmaster, the seats come with the rather important caveat that buyers will have “no view of the show” because they will be sitting behind the enormous stage set-up. The Grammy-winning singer will rake in an estimated $2.1bn selling tickets for her world tour – most of which actually let you see her.
Villain
The Met Police’s anti-drugs czar, who apparently smoked so much cannabis that his flatmate thought he was a drug-dealer. Commander Julian Bennett is currently facing a disciplinary hearing, where his former lodger Sheila Gomes said he used marijuana daily, as well as LSD and magic mushrooms. She added that his flat was “like an Amsterdam coffee shop”.
Hero
Somalian “sprinter” Nasra Ali Abukar, who refused to let a distinct lack of athletic talent stop her competing in the World University Games. The 20-year-old, who happens to be the niece of the (now suspended) chairwoman of the Somali Athletics Federation, clocked a time of 21 seconds in the 100m sprint – a full 10 seconds longer than the gold medallist. On X (formerly Twitter), a video of her resignedly skipping over the finish line has racked up 66 million views.
Villain
My iPhone, says Deborah Ross in The Times, which is constantly serving up collages of deceased loved ones. I’ll be absent-mindedly pottering round my house when, without warning, up pop pictures of my dead mum, or my dead dad, or my dead dog, all set to tinkly music and captioned something like: “Hey Deborah, here are some memories from 2013!” It’s like being haunted by “everyone I have ever known and every pet I’ve ever loved”.