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14 September

In the headlines

The five-mile queue for the Queen’s lying-in-state is “not for the faint-hearted”, says The Daily Telegraph. Around 400,000 people are expected to wait for up to 30 hours to pay their respects, with more than a thousand stewards lining the route (below). The Queen’s coffin returned to Buckingham Palace for the final time yesterday and will be transported to Westminster in a ceremonial procession beginning at 2.22pm. The government has warned businesses that their share of the £150bn energy support package may be delayed until November, despite most fixed-price energy contracts ending on October 1. Without government help, execs face a “fivefold increase in their energy costs”, says the FT. A “top space boffin” claims aliens will be discovered within the next 25 years, says the Daily Star, thanks to a new telescope that can zoom in on Earth-like planets. “With the Ukraine war, the global energy crisis, a planet-wide pandemic and populist wallies as world leaders, they may want to stay away.”

Gone viral

In a bizarre-but-touching turn of events, BBC News has declared on behalf of the Royal Parks that “enough Paddingtons and marmalade sandwiches” have been left in the Queen’s honour, and well-wishers should “bring flowers” instead. “This sort of announcement could only be made in the UK,” says one Twitter user.

On the way out

Agas, which are the latest casualties of the energy crisis. More and more families are removing the appliances from their kitchens, says Bloomberg – as most Agas are always switched on, the soaring cost of energy has made them too expensive to run. Jack O’Dwyer, a Blackpool-based oven remover, says that one recent client was paying £10 a day to run her brand-new electric Aga, and had it removed after just six months. He’s seen owners “moved to tears” when parted from their beloved ovens.

Global update

Rogue leaders will gather in Uzbekistan tomorrow for the annual summit of the global “dictators’ club”. The Shanghai Co-Operation Organisation, a cabal of despots including Presidents Putin and Xi, was founded in 1996 as a low-key diplomatic forum, says The Times. Now, strongmen from countries including Belarus, Mongolia, and Tajikistan meet annually to discuss how to erase “Western influence from the Eurasian heartland”. At this year’s dictatorial discussion, Iran – currently led by Ebrahim Raisi, known as the “butcher of Tehran” for his role in the execution of 30,000 dissidents in 1988 – is set to be upgraded from observer to full member.

Love etc

Leonardo DiCaprio is reportedly wooing Gigi Hadid, a “prehistoric 27-year-old single mother of one”, says Allie Jones in Gawker. The Titanic actor was spotted “hanging out” with supermodel Gigi at a New York Fashion Week party, despite there being several “more appropriately aged” models – aged between 22 and 24 – in attendance. Best wishes to Leo and “the oldest woman he has ever (allegedly) dated” as they “embark on a new public relations journey together”.

Noted

American media is keeping on top of the royal accession story. Earlier this week, The Washington Post’s home page led with a bright red banner saying: “BREAKING: Queen’s corgis will live with Prince Andrew and Fergie, spokeswoman confirms”. Clearly, says American writer Dave Pell on Twitter, “we’ve completely lost our f***ing minds”.

Snapshot

It’s edible-looking embroidery. American artist Heather Rios uses a combination of clay, acrylic paint and yarn to make the faux-confectionary canvases, which have racked up nearly a million views on TikTok. “It took me like three whole views to understand it wasn’t food,” comments one befuddled user. “I would still eat it,” adds another. Pieces are available for purchase here.

Quoted

quoted 14-09-2022

“Macho does not prove mucho.”

Zsa Zsa Gabor