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2 June

In the headlines

A blood test that can detect more than 50 types of cancer could massively speed up diagnosis, a new study has found. In a trial of 5,000 people, the screening correctly revealed the disease in two out of three instances, and pinpointed the original site of the cancer in 85% of positive cases. The US Senate has voted through a deal to raise the country’s debt ceiling, days before the country would have had to default on payments. Pretending that we’re about to go bankrupt every two years is “the most idiotic ritual our elected leaders in Washington regularly perform”, says Eugene Robinson in The Washington Post. A Scottish funeral firm is selling a coffin shaped like a Greggs sausage roll to “help make a difficult day a little lighter”, says Sky News. Other custom-made caskets by Go As You Please include ones modelled on the Doctor Who Tardis, a pint of Tennent’s lager, and a Dyson vacuum box.

Gone viral

This clip showing climbers queuing to reach the summit of Mount Everest has racked up 700,000 views on Twitter. “Ewww,” says one unimpressed user, “it’s even worse than the lines at Costco 😂.”


Since the Russian invasion, dozens of rich Ukrainian families have fled to villas in the south of France, says Le Monde. This hasn’t gone down well back home, as all men between 18 and 60 are legally obliged to make themselves available for military service. The Ukrainian press has given the elite emigrés a nickname: the “Monaco Battalion”.


Canada is going to print health warning labels directly on to cigarettes. Each fag will come adorned with a scary phrase like “Cigarettes cause cancer” or “Poison in every puff”. The country’s health agency says the new regulations will make it “virtually impossible” to smoke without being warned of the dangers.

Inside politics

Joe Biden had a big fall on stage at a US Air Force Academy graduation ceremony yesterday, reviving concerns about whether the 80-year-old is physically up to a second term. The President says he tripped on a sandbag.


A pub landlord in Worcestershire won £50,000 yesterday when cricketer Josh Tongue made his Test debut for England at Lord’s. Back when Tongue was 11, Tim Piper, who runs the Cricketers Arms in Redditch, bet £100 that he would one day represent his country, at odds of 500-1. Piper first rang the bookies to bet on the fast bowler’s prospects when he was six, “but they didn’t take it seriously”, he tells The Daily Telegraph. “I’m not sure why.”


It’s the world’s only albino panda, which has been spotted for the third time ever in China’s Sichuan province. The ivory-coloured bear, which is around six years old, appears to be completely healthy. Unusual-looking animals often struggle with socialisation, but, cheerily, the albino’s fellow pandas don’t seem perturbed by its appearance, and were spotted happily playing with it.


quoted 2.6.23

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.”

Truman Capote