Global update

Workers carrying water across a dried-out reservoir in Chennai. Arun Sankar/AFP/Getty

The wars of tomorrow will be fought for water

Most people assume the wars of the 21st century will be fought over rare earth metals, says Peter Frankopan in UnHerd. In fact, civilisation’s most important resource is its oldest: water. And the signs are bad. A landmark report published by the UN last month concluded that we have entered a period of “global water bankruptcy”, in which societies live beyond their hydrological means. Three quarters of the world’s population live in countries classed as “water-insecure”, 3.5 billion people experience “severe water stress” at least one month a year, and half the world’s 100 biggest cities are in areas of “high water stress”. Urban planners increasingly fret about “day zero”: the moment the taps simply run dry.

In recent years, Cape Town, Tehran, São Paulo and Istanbul have all experienced “genuine crisis”. In 2019, the nine million residents of Chennai in India had to queue for a small daily ration of water brought in by trucks. Less far-flung places – Los Angeles, New York, London – aren’t immune. Last year, Environment Secretary Steve Reed warned that without a “major infrastructure overhaul” Britain could run out of clean drinking water by 2035. The reasons are obvious: the global population has doubled since 1970, over which time the world has rapidly urbanised. And a single data centre can gobble up millions of litres a day, equivalent to the needs of tens of thousands of households a year. There’s also geopolitics: the Chinese have built a dam a day since 1949, utterly transforming Asia’s rivers; dams in the Indus Valley and in northeast Africa are creating tension, sometimes violence, between upriver and downriver nations. Technology and better water pricing may help, but this is ultimately a problem that cannot be solved. There is nothing so foundational to civilisation as water.

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Property

THE GOTHIC HALL Bretforton Hall in Worcestershire is a Grade II-listed late 18th-century home full of “gothic-style” features, says The Times. On the ground floor are a kitchen, two sitting rooms, a dining room, a vaulted ballroom, a studio space, a boot room and a utility, as well as a bar within the crenellated tower. Upstairs are the six bedrooms, four of which have en-suite bathrooms, as well as a family bathroom and an office. The property is set within two acres of gardens. Honeybourne is a four-minute drive, with trains to London in two hours. £2.3m. Click on the image to see the listing.

Heroes and villains

Hero
Manchester United fan Frank Ilett, who has gone almost 500 days without a haircut after pledging he would only have a trim once his team won five games in a row. The 29-year-old, whose ever-broadening bouffant has earned him almost 3 million followers on social media, thought he was in with a sniff after United’s recent four-win streak. But after a 1-1 draw at West Ham on Tuesday, his hirsute wait goes on.

Hero
Donald Trump, for boosting Europe’s science sector by cutting government funding to US universities. France revealed this week that 41 of the 46 academics awarded grants under its new scheme to lure foreign scientists were relocating from America, and the overall number of US-based researchers applying for European grants has doubled over the past 12 months. In a survey of 1,600 American scientists last year, 75% said they were mulling a move to Europe.

Samir Hussein/Getty

Hero
Noel Gallagher, who has won the BRIT Award for songwriter of the year despite not having released any new music over the past 12 months. “I’m not sure how I’ve got away with that one, but I’ll take it,” the Oasis frontman told talkSPORT, adding that if any “wet wipe songwriting teams” had a problem with it, he was happy to “have it out on the red carpet”.

Villain
Adrian Searle, The Guardian’s notoriously acerbic arts critic, who is stepping down after 30 years. He’ll be missed, says Popbitch, but not by the collector Charles Saatchi, who once told him: “Let me write your review for you. ‘I’m a c***, this place is s***, and the artists I show are all f***ed.’ Will that do for you?”

Inside politics

Carl Court/Getty

“We have nothing to fear but Keir himself”

After the worst week of Keir Starmer’s premiership, says Tim Shipman in The Spectator, ask his top officials where it all went wrong and many answer: “In opposition.” One remembers the leadership tying itself in knots over trans rights rather than debating whether to rule out major tax rises. “We spent more time working out whether chicks could have dicks than on a programme for government.” Starmer assumed his first chief of staff, Sue Gray, would simply produce a plan for him. When Labour types, sensing disaster, begged Tony Blair to intervene, he refused: “The only way he can learn that it’s a terrible idea,” said Blair, “is by it happening.” Sure enough, Gray was gone in three months.

The prime minister’s famous political apathy goes deeper than many realise. “Keir has never met a policy that he had a natural view on,” says a senior aide. “That’s why he’s capable of thinking that ID cards are terrible and then ID cards are wonderful and must be compulsory and then that they mustn’t be compulsory.” Another adds: “He’s completely incurious… He thinks his job is to sit in a room and be serious.” Even before he lost his ambassadorship, Peter Mandelson told friends the PM had never once asked him: “What really makes Trump tick?” And he’s stuck – as any leader would be – with the lumpen idiocy of the Parliamentary Labour Party. “The MPs are a bunch of bedwetters,” says an aide, who have “responded to being unpopular by making the government keep doing even more stuff that the public hate”. No wonder Starmer spends the weekends “calling up old friends and complaining about how much he’s hating it”. He’s clinging on, but nobody’s entirely sure why. As one Westminster wag puts it: “We have nothing to fear but Keir himself.”

🏝️🫠 Starmer had a mega wobble over Chagos. After a focus group reacted with “incredulity” at the plan to hand the islands to Mauritius and pay £35bn for the privilege, Starmer’s political team demanded to know why it was necessary, to which national security adviser Jonathan Powell kept saying it was “in the interests of national security”. Vidhya Alakeson – now joint chief of staff, replacing Morgan McSweeney – eventually snapped: “How is it in the interests of national security for Reform to win the next general election?” Starmer changed his mind for a few days, then changed it back after being talked around by Powell and the attorney-general, his old chum Richard Hermer.

The Knowledge Crossword

What to watch

L-R: Caoilfhionn Dunne, SinĂŠad Keenan and Roisin Gallagher

If you’re going to watch one TV show this year, says Lucy Mangan in The Guardian, make it How To Get to Heaven from Belfast. Written by Derry Girls creator Lisa McGee, it’s a “frenetic, witty caper” about three old friends who reunite to attend the funeral of Greta, who completed their teenage gang at school. Greta was ostensibly killed by a fall down the stairs. But when one of the trio suspects foul play – not least when she notices that the body in the coffin lacks the occult tattoo that the four friends have – the others get on board with an investigation. There is ill-advised drinking, enigmatic hand-delivered letters, clues gleaned from teenage diaries and a trip to Portugal. The energy never flags and it’s all written with McGee’s customary wit, brutality and sensitivity. “Buckle up, and enjoy.” How to Get to Heaven from Belfast is available on Netflix.

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Quoted

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”
American comedian Richard Lewis

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